I Got the Benefit of the Doubt!
Let me explain. BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT is the debut novel by Neal Griffin that came out last month. Literary agent Janet Reid read the book over Christmas and enjoyed it so much, she offered it as a prize in her first flash fiction contest of the year. She announced the contest on Friday, the contest opened on Saturday, and it ran for 24 hours. The challenge, as usual, was to write a 100-word story using five prompt words, this time: absorb, execute, bold, shim, and chill.
There were 93 entries, many of them from talented writers with skill and imagination. Out of those 93, Janet selected 9 finalists. Of those 9 finalists, she selected 1 winner:
ME!
I was quite literally gobsmacked. Well, okay, not literally, because that would mean someone actually smacked my gob, which didn’t happen. But this totally caught me by surprise. I thought my entry was good enough to submit, and possibly good enough for a mention, but to win??
Here’s the story I wrote (the prompt words are in bold):
Peter’s eyes are pitiful, starin’ at me like that. If only he didn’t have such ill manners. Why, he never even talked about his wife, let alone introduced her. Had to find her out for myself.
I went to their big house in the boonies. She answered the door, bold and sassy. Said her name was Babs or Barb or somethin’. Held her hand out at me. I held out Peter’s Beretta.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
Ditched the gun and left. My plan and my rival executed perfectly. No witnesses.
Except me.
I turn from the one-way mirror.
“That’s him, detective.”
You can read Janet’s comments on her results announcement page, but suffice to say, she was impressed.
So, why is this such a big deal to me (and it is)? After all, what’s so special about Janet’s opinion? Surely this is all very subjective? Yes, it is. I’m sure if you read through the other entries, there might be stories you like better than mine. But let me remind you of something I said last week in my “Goals-ish and Sorta-Plans” post:
…I am no longer participating in any writing contests, with the exception of Janet Reid’s periodic flash contests. Janet’s are an exception primarily because she’s a literary agent… Why does Janet being an agent make a difference? Two reasons. First, it’s her job to know what’s good, saleable writing, so anything I write that gets her approval helps me in my desire to be published. Second, if I can maintain a good showing in Janet’s contests, that’s a toe in the door. She’s a well-regarded agent, and others in the industry know her, and her contests. It’s not the same as winning a Pulitzer, but it’s more than nothing.
I think this counts as a “good showing.” 🙂 It’s certainly very encouraging. For the record, this isn’t my first win, though in the nearly five years I’ve been entering Janet’s contests (my first entry was in August, 2011), I’ve only won three times. The first was for a poem I wrote for a contest in December 2011, and the second was actually selected from the finalists by the commenters in October 2014.
If you’re a writer and you’ve never tried your hand at flash fiction, you really should. It sharpens your editing skills, and forces you to pay attention to story structure and word usage. Keep an eye on Janet’s blog for the next contest, and dive in. The competition’s fierce, but the water’s warm and friendly. 🙂
Your entry is beautiful. I didn’t understand it until Janet explained and I reread it. Congratulations again.
Thank you, Angie! Telling stories with flash fiction is very hard, as you know. There’s so much you have to leave out that often you rely upon the reader’s ability to supply information. Someone who has no clue what a “one-way mirror” is, for example, might not get what’s going on. But there again, such is art that five different people might interpret the story five different ways. And that’s okay! You can be into the word-play or other aspects of the mechanics of the story, even if you don’t fully grasp what the story’s about. 🙂
Well done, Mr. Smith! (I love calling you Mr. Smith for some reason – especially if I say something like – well done!) 🙂
I think you have every right to crow! It WAS a great entry!
LOL–I’m used to it from the kids at church, though it took some getting used to. In my head I’m still in my 20s. 🙂
As I said on Janet’s blog, this win is all the more special because of the quality of the other entries. Especially the other finalists *ahem* Ms. Everhart! I don’t like to crow, but this was much-needed encouragement, so it was definitely worthy of a blog post.
Truth: When I read your entry after I submitted, I said to myself: “There’s the winner.”
There are several entries I look for first, yours among them. I’ve worked a lot on one side of the one-way mirror (the back room of focus groups), and your last line hit me immediately. I smiled, and read your story again with the knowledge of what’s going on. Hit me even better on the second read. You had so many great lines in such a small space, plus some alliteration (Peter’s eyes are pitiful) and rhythm (Bold and sassy) thrown in for a bonus.
Selfishly, I was hoping you were going to go through your process in this blog entry. Mostly because I was wondering how much you came up with during editing. For example, the awesome line “My plan and my rival executed perfectly.” No way did you come up with that on your first time through, please tell me you’re not that perfect! I need this to be harder for other people like it is for me!
Anyway, I’ve probably used more words than your entire entry. Great job. I bow toward North Carolina. Have a great week, Colin. I’m chasing you down for the next flash contest!
Thank you, John. I can honestly say I did NOT feel that way when I wrote it. Sure, I thought it was worthy of posting, and it had elements I knew Janet would like. But win? Against the talent that normally competes? Ha! 🙂
I thought about going through my writing process, but I did that for the last win. However, since you asked, here are some notes for you:
The troublesome word (at least for me) was “shim.” I had an idea what it meant, but I wanted to see if there was another usage, perhaps less obvious. Some online research gave me a list of meanings, and I toyed with them, but none really satisfied me. That’s when I thought of splitting the word over two. But what two? “—s him—“? “—sh im–“? The first immediately suggested “it’s him.” That then suggested some form of identification… one-way mirror… detective… and from there the story started to unfold as I asked myself questions: “Why is this person saying ‘it’s him’? What’s their involvement? What if this person actually committed the crime, and they were the sole witness, so they pinned it on someone else?” The next troublesome word was “absorb.” If we’re considering a crime, then the idea of absorbing blood immediately jumps to mind. Too obvious. I then considered splitting the word. “–abs or b–“… that’s when “Babs or Barb or something” came to me, and suddenly I had both my victim and my protagonist. The story started taking shape. I jotted down some thoughts about how I might use the other words on a Post-it note (all this was while I was at work on Friday): “such ill manners” (as I talked about in the comments on Janet’s blog–voice was now beginning to form), “bold and sassy” (fit the voice), and, yes, the line “my plan and my rival executed perfectly” was pretty much there from these notes (no, I’m not perfect–my mind has always enjoyed playing with homonyms). I thought about using “execute” to describe the murder, but that “e” on the end ruled out “execution” or “executing.” I could hear my murderer saying, “rival executed”–but then I thought, “she executed the plan, too!” I liked that word-play, though I thought it might be a little sophisticated for this character, but I thought Janet might appreciate it too. So “plan and rival executed” went in.
All this was pencil scribblings on a Post-it until I got home. I then fired up Word and started writing. Naturally, in the time between Post-it scribblings and getting home, the story was bouncing around my head, taking shape. It was in this time that I dealt with obvious plot holes. How would she murder her rival in such a way that she would be the only witness? We live out in the boonies, and it’s not uncommon to hear gun shots this time of year from the nearby woods (hunters–at least, I hope that’s what it is…!). So, if the victim lived in the boonies, that would solve that problem. What about pinning the murder on the husband? The gun would have to be registered to him so the police would trace it to his name. My imagination could deal with the possiblity that the murderer got hold of the man’s gun. But talking about gun registration is a bit much, and perhaps TMI, for a 100 word story. Perhaps if I give the guy a name at the beginning, and then refer to it at his gun, that should be enough to cover that problem. So that’s what I did.
The actual fingers-to-keyboard writing didn’t take a lot of time since I already had the story pretty much written in my head (and on a Post-it). I recall the first draft was about 120 words. I wanted to give more at the end with regard to the actual scenario, but finally trimmed it right down. I hoped that the one-way mirror and the detective would be enough. Also describing Peter’s eyes as pitiful gives the suggestion that he knows he has been wronged, but he also feels powerless to do anything about it. Those pitiful eyes might have evoked pity in our protagonist, but he had “such ill manners” he didn’t deserve pity. The idea that Peter’s “ill manners” would be sufficient for this woman to commit murder and frame him for it suggests someone with serious sociopathic issues. Wonderful! 🙂 And I thought the fact our protagonist describes those eyes as “looking at” her would be a good red herring. It’s only when you get to the end you realize he couldn’t be looking at her–he couldn’t see her. That was just her perception.
I did a quick Google search on handguns to come up with one that would be believable for the story, and the Beretta fitted the bill (and fit the rhythm and word count).
A couple more details: I consciously made the actual scenario present tense and the back story past tense to help distinguish them. And given the voice suggested by my use of the prompt words, I couldn’t avoid going with a first person perspective.
After editing to what I thought was a satisfactory balance of voice and leanness, I checked the word count. 100 on the nose. I then left the Word doc (saved, of course) open the rest of the day, and periodically went back and re-read it to see if any issues jumped out at me that I didn’t see before. None did. So that was the version I posted on Saturday.
Analyzing the story like this makes me realize that there isn’t a single throw-away line, or even word, in that piece. Every word and sentence is important for story or voice. And I credit that more to the 100 word limit than I do to any skill on my part. That’s why writing flash fiction is such a good discipline for writers.
Sorry, that went a bit long. I hope that’s what you were looking for, John. 🙂
Yes, yes, yes, exactly what I was looking for. Forgot to mention how exquisite the opening was about Peter’s pitiful eyes looking directly at her. On my first read, I thought it implied she’d trapped him and he knew he was had. But then, on a re-read, I realized he couldn’t be looking at her because he couldn’t see beyond the glass in front of him. That’s when I realized what a brilliant antagonist you made with her. She’s a narcissistic murderer.
Great explanation, loved reading your process. I do the same thing throughout the day where I go back and edit, touch up a word, a phrase, a sentence or a character name here and there. I wish I was as disciplined as you to get it turned in by Saturday morning. And you’re so right — there’s not a wasted word or phrase in the entire piece, which is the way it should be.
Sometimes I do a word count after editing and see that I’m at 97 and I’m ridiculously delighted that I have three words to play with. Of course, an hour later, after playing, I’m at 106 and facing an old nemesis again.
Great story, loved every word of it. Congratulations again! And thanks for your explanation above, that was fun to read.
Excellent! Thanks, John. 🙂
Colin, I loved reading your writing process. That’s incredibly helpful.
I actually read your story a completely different way. I mistook “one-way mirror” for a normal mirror. Meaning, I read it as a (male) protag framing Peter’s wife’s murder on Peter. Aka himself, with split personality disorder. Which gave me trouble with Babs/Barb’s introduction, but if she’s used to her husband’s alter-egos periodically not recognizing her, I could roll with it. As far as why Babs/Barb’s existence meant she and Peter had to be taken care of…I think I chalked that up to a very-far-gone protag who wanted revenge as a way to restore order. If Peter didn’t mention Babs/Barb and the protagonist felt Peter was a sign of ill manners destroying How Things Should Be, well, I’ve read stranger reasons for murder.
This happens a lot with me and flash fics. In this case I know why I had alter-egos and principle-based revenge on the mind, but it sure makes more sense when the protagonist is a woman scorned!
That’s an interesting point about the one-way mirror. I Googled “one way mirror” because that’s what I would call it, and I wanted to be sure that was the correct term. It seems it can be described as either one-way or two-way, depending on your POV. “One-way” refers to the fact that the person (or people) on one side see it as a mirror, while to those on the other side it’s like a sheet of glass. “Two-way” refers to the two different ways the mirror appears: like a mirror to one side, like glass to the other. So I had a choice which to use. I went with “one way” not simply because that’s natural to me, but it emphasizes the point that Peter couldn’t actually see our protagonist. It did bother me a bit that people might misunderstand and read something into it that I didn’t intend. But I decided it didn’t matter. It’s art. It’s flash fiction. As with paintings and music, readers will always see things in stories the original writer didn’t intend. And if it works for you, great! 🙂
You can’t imagine how happy I am for you, Colin! I love your brilliant story. You should give yourself more credit: you are an amazing writer. Thanks for sharing your creative process with us. It’s inspiring. Always rooting for you, my talented friend! 😀
*blush* awww… thanks, Lilac. 🙂 I really do appreciate your encouragement and kind words.
This explains why I never win. Well, this and a bunch of other reasons lol
Awesome story. I never have time to put THAT much work into my stories. You definitely deserved to win.
And on another note, for which I place the blame fully on YOU — last year’s AtoZ Challenge I did legal definitions. This year I’m doing military definitions. I’ll be starting the writing in the next week or so. I’m NOT doing like last year and writing a week’s worth of posts the previous weekend. But — this is all YOUR fault.
Just sayin’
Congrats on your win!
Thanks, Dena! Haha! I’ll take the blame–I don’t mind. Your legal definitions were fun and informative, as I’m sure your military ones will be. I plan to do A-to-Z again this year. Flash fiction. I’ve already decided on the titles to the stories. I too plan to start writing them soon. All the best to you! 🙂
Hey, Colin!
Congratulations (again) on this win. I really like you how explained the significance and why it means a lot to you to be chosen by Janet. I still remain blown away by how impressive the FF entries are week after week. You should indeed by very proud!
Thanks, Lu! The entries really are excellent, so I was very pleased to be selected. 🙂