Is Being Single Better Than Being Married?

This seems like a strange question to ask, especially in a Christian context. After all, we believe the Bible teaches very clearly that God intended men and women to marry and have children (e.g., Genesis 2:21-24; Genesis 9:1; Matthew 19:3-6; Ephesians 5:22-6:4). The family is the place the Lord intended married couples to nurture their children. Of course marriage is important! From a Christian perspective, without marriage the entire species is doomed, since the marriage covenant is the God-ordained environment for reproduction.

So why would the Apostle Paul say:

I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they should remain as I am [i.e., unmarried]. But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn [i.e., with sexual desire] (1 Corinthians 7:8-9).

or

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided… So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better (1 Corinthians 7:32-34; 38).

The Corinthian Situation

Both of those quotations come from Paul’s first letter to the church in Corinth. The Corinthian church had issues. Paul had come to hear about those issues through written communication. It’s not strange that Paul would be told about things going on in the Corinthian church. We know from Acts he spent a lot of time in Corinth and made some good friends there (Acts 18:1-18). He may well have planted that church, so he undoubtedly felt more than Apostolic responsibility for them. He was deeply concerned about their well-being.

In chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians, Paul begins addressing issues related to marriage. He starts with what is commonly regarded as a quotation from the Corinthian correspondence: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Some translations render the Greek verb haptomai as “to have sexual relations with” as opposed to its usual meaning “to touch.” That does appear to be the underlying intention of the verb, in which case they were advocating celibacy in all situations, including marriage. Why might this be?

If you go back and read chapters 5 and 6, you’ll see there was a lot of sexual misconduct happening in the church. Not only that, but the city of Corinth itself had quite a seedy reputation. Sexual immorality was rife in the culture so there was always the danger it would seep into the church. Perhaps the Corinthian Christians believed it best to avoid all sexual contact so they don’t “stoke the flames,” so to speak. Or maybe the abuse of sexual relations had caused them to regard sex as something impure.

Whatever their reason, Paul clearly disagrees with this approach. The way to correct sexual misconduct in the church is not to abstain from sex altogether, but rather to bring male-female relations back into line with Biblical principle. The correct response to “burning with desire” is not to abstain. Paul recognizes that God gave mankind sexual impulses, and He also provided the proper outlet for those passions: marriage. Neither extreme of celibacy or seeking prostitutes (which I think we can infer from chapter 6 that some in the church had done) will ultimately satisfy what God had intended for procreation. It is within marriage that the man and woman give to each other mutually:

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does (1 Corinthians 7:4).

Husband and wife should not deny one another their “conjugal rights” unless by mutual consent, and only temporarily “so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” The “temptation to sexual immorality” (or porneia in the Greek) Paul speaks of in 7:2 is the result of God-given sexual desire put in the hearts of fallen mankind. For those who have that “burning,” the temptation will be there. If one of the marriage partners is absent for a prolonged season, sin-driven sexual desire will tempt the partners to look for satisfaction elsewhere.

“I Wish All People Were Like Me”

It’s clear from what Paul says in 1 Cor 7:7 that he was single: “I wish all people were like me.” He says this right on the heels of the discussion of how husbands and wives shouldn’t stay apart too long, so I don’t think there’s any doubt what he means. Some believe Paul was a widower, that he had been married in the past. I’m inclined to think he’d always been single. By his own testimony, he was a “Hebrew of Hebrews” and “as to righteousness, under the Law blameless” (Philippians 3:5-6). He comes across to me as someone married to his work, so to speak. I don’t think Paul ever had the time or the inclination for marriage. As he says at the end of verse 7: “But each has his own gift from God, one this way, another that.” To be married or to be single is a gift from God. Some people experience that God-given desire for a marriage partner, and some people don’t.

This, I think, is the key to understanding Paul’s attitude to marriage and singleness. He recognizes the complications that marriage adds to one’s life. He picks up this theme in verses 25-40. “I want you to be free from worries” he tells the Corinthian believers. This is not an indictment on marriage, but a recognition that marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It comes with God-given responsibilities that will split your attention. Not only will you be concerned about the things of God and pleasing Him, but you will be concerned about your spouse. Paul wouldn’t deny that pleasing your spouse is, indirectly, pleasing God too. But giving yourself to your spouse means your time is not totally your own to devote to prayer, Scripture, and the life of the church. You have to consider your spouse’s needs too and work together on these things.

On the one hand Paul is saying marriage is a covenant relationship given by God for the expression of sexual desire. But on the other he’s saying that the marriage relationship is also a serious commitment and shouldn’t be entered into without the desire to be married. In verses 36-38 Paul is at pains to stress that whether you marry or stay single, you must follow your convictions. Don’t be swayed by peer pressure or sense of obligation. If you recognize that desire for a marriage partner in your heart, then pursue marriage. But if your desires are in check and you have no inclination to take a wife, then stay single. Neither sin by acknowledging the way God has gifted them.

Before concluding, there are a couple of things in verses 25-40 I’d like to look at.

“Concerning the Betrothed”

This is the way the English Standard Version translates the beginning of v. 25. The term “betrothed” is the Greek word parthenos, usually translated “virgin.” In Paul’s culture, a virgin was normally a young girl who was unmarried (and hence was not sexually active). The term could also refer to an older unmarried person, even someone beyond traditional marrying age. I think the ESV is correct in translating the word as “betrothed” here rather than “virgin” because it implies a commitment to marry, like an engagement. Paul is addressing those who have made a marriage commitment and are wondering if it is okay to go through with the marriage.

In verse 27 he asks, “Are you bound to a woman?” The word for “woman,” gunē, can equally mean “wife,” which is how the ESV translates the word. However that translation is redundant because Paul has already addressed the issue of divorce in v. 10. “Woman” fits the context better. You can be “bound” to someone you intend to marry without being married. In our culture we symbolize this bond with engagement rings. Paul says that if you have made that engagement or betrothal commitment, see it though. Get married. You made the promise because you desire to be married. There’s nothing wrong with that.

“I Do Not Have a Command of the Lord…”

Paul’s presents his view on whether the betrothed should marry as his “opinion” or “judgment.” He says he has no command of the Lord but gives his opinion as “one who, as a recipient of the Lord’s mercy, is trustworthy [or faithful].” There are other places in this letter where Paul renders a judgment with the words “I say, not the Lord.” Does the fact that these are Paul’s saying and not Jesus’s make them less authoritative? Why does Paul differentiate his words from Christ’s?

First, notice that Paul qualifies his opinion by pointing out he’s “a recipient of the Lord’s mercy” and is therefore “trustworthy.” I think Paul is here referring in a roundabout way to his Apostolic calling. Yes, these aren’t Jesus’s words, but Paul is speaking as the Lord’s Apostle so they carry the authority that comes with that office. Besides, these words are Scripture, and, therefore, carry as much weight as Jesus’s words, Peter’s words, Moses’s words, and Isaiah’s words. They are all God-breathed.

Why, then, does Paul make the distinction? When Paul says, “I don’t have a command from the Lord,” he’s simply telling the Corinthian church they will not find what he’s about to say among the stories and sayings of Jesus that have been handed down. Jesus did not address this issue, so Paul cannot quote him in answer to their question like he does in v. 10. He’s not implying his words are of lesser value. Paul and Jesus are not competing sources; they are complementary sources. Where Jesus has spoken, Paul will quote Jesus. Where Jesus did not speak to an issue, Paul, by the grace of God, will use his Apostolic authority to speak to it.

“The Present Distress”

Paul says he thinks it’s good for people to remain in the life circumstance they were in when they were saved “in view of the present distress” (7:26, ESV). What is this “distress” he’s talking about?

From archaeological and documentary evidence we know there was a famine in this region around AD 51. This letter was probably written sometime between AD 53 and AD 55, so some suggest the “distress” was the lingering effect of this famine.

Others think Paul believed Christ’s return to be imminent and that their current oppression by both Roman and Jewish authorities pointed to the fast-approaching return of the Lord. Naturally, if Christ is coming back that quickly, there’s no need to marry or do anything else to change your life situation.

There may well be some eschatological or “end-times” thinking behind Paul’s words. But I’m not convinced he believed the Lord’s return to be imminent. I’m sure he hoped it would be, but I think here he’s just recognizing that things are tough for the church. The “present distress” is a reference to the fact the church was trying to survive within a non-Christian (and increasingly anti-Christian) environment. In light of this, Paul’s admonition is not to over-complicate life.

In v. 29 Paul says that “the appointed time has grown short.” Since Christ’s death and resurrection the end-times clock has been counting down quickly. We are closer to eternity now than when we first believed. Because Christ has come and bought redemption for God’s people, the Lord could return at any time. However, the Lord has not finished gathering in His people. There are Christians yet to be born, and as long as that’s true, Christ will delay his return (2 Peter 3:9).

As Christians we should live in the light of this knowledge, not clinging too much to the things of this world. Certainly we should mourn, rejoice, buy, sell, and even marry. But we do these things recognizing that this life is temporary and all these things are fleeting. They will pass away with this world. Our hope must be in that which is eternal.

Does Paul Believe Singleness is Better Than Marriage?

Paul certainly believes singles have advantages over married people. However, I don’t think his point here is to say as a general rule that people should avoid marriage. In verse 7 he said marriage and singleness are both gifts of God. Marriage was instituted by God and the constraints put upon the married are there by God’s design. Indeed, it was Paul who wrote about how husbands and wives should love one another in Ephesians 5. Paul understood the importance of marriage.

There seems to be an underlying apologetic to Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7. I get the impression there was a negative attitude toward singleness in the Corinthian church. Betrothal and marriage were the way to go. Perhaps pressure was being put on singles to marry, possibly out of good intentions given the sexual issues within and outside the church. We see the same in the modern church. Many churches place emphasis on marriage. Singles are often treated as the “as-yet-unmarried” rather than “single by gifting.”

This explains why verses 32-35 read as a defense of singleness. It’s okay to be single. In fact, there are advantages to being single. But, like marriage, it is a gift and should not be entered into lightly. You need God’s grace to handle being single when the temptations to sexual immorality are abundant. If you don’t have that grace, that gift to be single, it’s better to marry.